Rise of the Ghost Spiders

The Failure of Balgrom's Diet/The Liberation of Splug

Woke up in the morning and noticed a Dragonborn walking into town, came into the inn, demanded ale, we chatted him up a bit, his name is Kadarr, turns out he’s after some Orcusie jackasses who stole his grandfather’s bones. We realized we had some things in common and decided to join up and find who took his shit. Mainly Carl. Fuck Carl.

So we decide to make our way to the dragon burial site because Kadarr’s grandaddy’s bones.. Dragon bones.. burial site.. ect anyway.

Met a Gnome, some drakes, some guys, and they’re all friendly telling us to come check out the bones. But they want to kill us. Not very friendly. So we start kicking their asses. During the fight D went mecha godzilla on some guys and Zyrrah summoned a Spellemental Darkfire Assassin Shroud, and we killed em all. Interrogated the gnome and the halfling. Found out Carl is up in the keep. Found Dovan Stahl, he was a dick, kicked his ass and sent him home. Killed the interrogies.

Went to town and everything was eerie. Talked to Valthrun, he freaked out about the rift under the keep. Told us about Sir Keegan who killed everyone in the keep including his family until 40 knights put him down in the basement. The keep was abandoned.

Got the payment x2 from Padraig for dealing with the kobolds, Valthrun got him to agree to giving us a reward for stopping the Death Cult. We then proceeded to go Keep crashing.

Upon getting there we saw that it had signs of people coming and going. We went on in all stealthy like and raped the first goblin. There was a pit that D refused to believe was there. During the fight D took a dive into said pit and encountered a rat-swarm. He then attempted to befriend the hateful little creatures. Meanwhile everyone else actually did things that mattered.

After that fight we took a brief rest. We proceeded down a hallway with a few doors. We could hear goblins excited about torture. We checked one room and there was nothing but broken boxes, however Nimbly found a rat and extracted a 50gp ruby.

We kicked in the door and proceeded to wipe the floor with some goblins and one particularly nasty hobgoblin torturer. D upon entering the room had a torture gasm and immediately threw one unlucky goblin into an iron maiden. There was a round of goblin hilarity as one goblin cracked himself in the head hard enough to stun him for two rounds while another shot himself in the face looney toons style. Another goblin was pulled into the rack by Zyrrah, strapped in by D, and stretched to silly extents. The unconscious torturer was placed in a cage and we proceeded to search the rest of the room.

In one of the jail-cells we found the goblin Splug who had been placed there and tortured for winning too many times in poker with the other goblins. D proceeded to offer him a job and let him out. Splug accepted and the two of them went to work on the torturer in one censored and bloody tutelage scene.

We proceeded on down the hall to find the largest fattest goblin we had ever seen. Kadarr blew a giant hole through the goblin ranks and D ran ahead to use their souls to destroy Balgrom the Fat with his Dark Spiral Aura.

Upon searching the rooms Cojiro rolled his 6th consecutive natural 20 for perception checks for a 1 in 64000000 chance. Nimbly phased out of reality and came back with a harp. A magic harp. Go figure. He also found a secret door.

We then head back to town to rest for the night and to catalog the new armory.

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