Rise of the Ghost Spiders

Bahamut's Erection

The adventurers got to Winderhaven, turns out the cemetery had zombies all up and about. So we headed that way. Oh, found some human torch asshole. He came too. With us. And such.

Got there, bunch of zombies. Some skeletons. Ect.

Starting in on them. Started out pretty well. Went through a decent sized zombie wave, nothing out of the ordinary. One chewed it’s self to death. Was pretty funny.

Massacred all of the undead, then found Ninaran. She was launching arrows at us. Bitch. Kadarr grabbed that bitch and held her down. She didn’t last much longer than that. Mainly because of the super dragon-blood death bolt. Yay dragon blood.

After a decent torture session, we managed to milk her for information and get her to join the organization.

We headed back to Winterhaven, told them the problem was fixed, and went inside.

After some more uselessness involving future-sight and wasted insults, we decided to go back to the keep.

We proceeded in the direction that we hadn’t gone yet, because repitition is annoying.

Came upon a maze full of Terror runes. Decided to ignore that and continue to another room full of undead. Less full after D cleared it out with a cursebite. It’s nice when Cojiro uses his harp. No one sees it coming. The last two were then blended by the rest of the party.

In the next room was a bunch of infinite zombie generators. We waded through a crap-ton of those, then found out that you had to tell Bahamut he had a giant penis to kill them all. So we did.

The Failure of Balgrom's Diet/The Liberation of Splug

Woke up in the morning and noticed a Dragonborn walking into town, came into the inn, demanded ale, we chatted him up a bit, his name is Kadarr, turns out he’s after some Orcusie jackasses who stole his grandfather’s bones. We realized we had some things in common and decided to join up and find who took his shit. Mainly Carl. Fuck Carl.

So we decide to make our way to the dragon burial site because Kadarr’s grandaddy’s bones.. Dragon bones.. burial site.. ect anyway.

Met a Gnome, some drakes, some guys, and they’re all friendly telling us to come check out the bones. But they want to kill us. Not very friendly. So we start kicking their asses. During the fight D went mecha godzilla on some guys and Zyrrah summoned a Spellemental Darkfire Assassin Shroud, and we killed em all. Interrogated the gnome and the halfling. Found out Carl is up in the keep. Found Dovan Stahl, he was a dick, kicked his ass and sent him home. Killed the interrogies.

Went to town and everything was eerie. Talked to Valthrun, he freaked out about the rift under the keep. Told us about Sir Keegan who killed everyone in the keep including his family until 40 knights put him down in the basement. The keep was abandoned.

Got the payment x2 from Padraig for dealing with the kobolds, Valthrun got him to agree to giving us a reward for stopping the Death Cult. We then proceeded to go Keep crashing.

Upon getting there we saw that it had signs of people coming and going. We went on in all stealthy like and raped the first goblin. There was a pit that D refused to believe was there. During the fight D took a dive into said pit and encountered a rat-swarm. He then attempted to befriend the hateful little creatures. Meanwhile everyone else actually did things that mattered.

After that fight we took a brief rest. We proceeded down a hallway with a few doors. We could hear goblins excited about torture. We checked one room and there was nothing but broken boxes, however Nimbly found a rat and extracted a 50gp ruby.

We kicked in the door and proceeded to wipe the floor with some goblins and one particularly nasty hobgoblin torturer. D upon entering the room had a torture gasm and immediately threw one unlucky goblin into an iron maiden. There was a round of goblin hilarity as one goblin cracked himself in the head hard enough to stun him for two rounds while another shot himself in the face looney toons style. Another goblin was pulled into the rack by Zyrrah, strapped in by D, and stretched to silly extents. The unconscious torturer was placed in a cage and we proceeded to search the rest of the room.

In one of the jail-cells we found the goblin Splug who had been placed there and tortured for winning too many times in poker with the other goblins. D proceeded to offer him a job and let him out. Splug accepted and the two of them went to work on the torturer in one censored and bloody tutelage scene.

We proceeded on down the hall to find the largest fattest goblin we had ever seen. Kadarr blew a giant hole through the goblin ranks and D ran ahead to use their souls to destroy Balgrom the Fat with his Dark Spiral Aura.

Upon searching the rooms Cojiro rolled his 6th consecutive natural 20 for perception checks for a 1 in 64000000 chance. Nimbly phased out of reality and came back with a harp. A magic harp. Go figure. He also found a secret door.

We then head back to town to rest for the night and to catalog the new armory.

Mongolian Cave Battle

Met Micheal Phelps Formerly Garel-Kai. (Only Genasi in Fallcrest, Pale blue, spikey hair, whenever talks to you seems to be looking over your shoulder, eyes are unfocused, puts something down his pants then throws it into the water, hippie) Got onto raft and he pulls us up river. Settled into house. Two weeks worth of cleaning and settling and going to the city and making connections.

Visited Visuvius, there were a few new hirees. Delivered the cape and bandana mask, 50 pounds of fish, and 10 Ghost Spider armbands. Learned of a creepy death cult and decided to go messemup. Carl must die.

At the gates of Fallcrest a woman named Maria Stahl who was missing her husband. He was going to a dragon burial site. We agreed to go and take a look for her.

Back in town we talked to Nimozaran. His friend Parle wanted a map of the Keep over Winterhaven. Said ok for shits and giggles.

Working our way to Winterhaven due west on the kings road, when all of a sudden KOBOLDS ATTACK. During the fight the dreaded SPELLEMENTAL was summoned by D. It proceeded to lay into both Cojiro and one unlucky Kobold Dragonshield. The rest were easily dispatched except for one who managed to get away. The rest of the trip to Winterhaven went without incident.

Got to Winterhaven, talked to “Delphina Moongem” about Kobolds being more active, no creepy crawlie Death Cults, Dragon Burial site to the south. Willing to F’k.

Went to Wrafton’s Inn, met Salvana Wrafton, talked to her about how we should talk to Padraig about the kobolds. Then went and said hi to Padraig while waiting for our drinks. He displayed sociopathic urges invovling Kobolds. Said someone should go kill kobolds. We agreed for 100 piddly gold. Said the Dragon burial ground should be referenced to Elian the Old. Also claims there are no Creepy Crawlie Death Cults. PREPOSTEROUS! he says. Went to Elian, he said Dovan is at the Burial ground and showed us where on a map it was. Moved on to Valthrun the Prescient, he said they’re no cults round these parts and that Padraig hates Kobolds. Mentioned the Dragon in the burial site is ancient. Talked to the uninterested Elf “Ninaran”. She told us of a cave behind a waterfall to the east where the death cultists come and go with kobolds. Paid the tab and left the inn.

Left the town some time in the night and headed to the Waterfall Cave. Were ambushed by Kobolds while Cojiro was poisoned from imbibing a glass of Drow Spiderwine. They were easily dispatched though Cojiro’s pet raven Nimbly the Proctologist earned his title saving the life of one very confused squirrel. The Kobold that had escaped earlier was taken prisoner and was named Jonathan. He told us that the cave was run by TINMOLAR the Goblin.

We proceeded on to the cave after a nap and was met by heavy resistance. Using stealth and gorilla tactics we decimated the first half of the fight. The second however proved to be much more difficult. Zyrrah and Cojiro entered the waterfall cave from one entrance, while D lept straight threw the waterfall to ambush Tinmolar. Tinmolar proceeded to commit suicide after being destroyed by D’s Dark Spiral Aura while Zyrrahand Cojiro dispatched countless other Kobolds. The remaining Kobolds were dispatched. Afterward, their listless bodies were gathered in the main room of the cave. They were woken up and D gave them a rousing speech involving joining up and getting great dental plans, or death. The only problem was that the first half of the speech was in elven. He realized this and repeated himself in common. The kobold army joined up, and marched off to Kobold hall.

The weary party went back to the town to rest. Zyrrah had her brokenass chain fixed and everyone took a LONG FUCKING NAP. Oh and she went and got a damn jacket. Nevermind it was in the morning. And she did it apparantly. BLAH BLAH BLAH she went to Bairwin’s Grand Shoppe. She was called a witch for drawing and got it made.

Fall of James-Rise of Visuvius

Upon entering the town of Fallcrest the group was assailed with requests some cogent some the ranting of madmen. This began with their meeting with Lord Warden Markelhay who informed them as to where their home was. He also informed the group of a bounty which had been placed upon the kobolds raiding the trade caravans. Afterwards they were accosted by a ranting and raving dwarf by the name of Teldorthan Ironhews. He charged them with retrieving a bit of stolen dragon hide, which was patched with rat hide he was quick to inform them. Finally as they passed an obscenely tall tower they heard the call, “Hang On!!” and looking up they saw the far-off face of the wizard Nimozaran. After running down the stairs he burst out of the door gasping for air, he had seen the group talking to Teldorthan and asked the group to investigate the oddities of the current kobold behavior and armaments. And so our intrepid group of “elves” set off for the aptly named kobold hall. Upon entering the hall they noticed the oddity Nimozaran had spoken of in the form of kobolds carrying glue spewing guns as well as large gears used as shields. However the glue guns proved to be quite fragile at one point they were broken by Cojiro yelling at a kobold. The group then stumbled upon an alter dedicated to the evil dragon god Tiamat. There was one oddity however; the statue of Tiamat had a gear latched around each of the god’s necks. D was quick to reconsecrate the alter to his god Torog. The group moved on to interrupting a game of skull-skull the kobolds were playing in the next room. The kobold the group would later learn was named Visuvius won the game and a good deal of gold before the group rushed in. Visuvius turned and ran when the situation proved unwinnable as his group of kobolds and drakes were slaughtered. Following this the group entered a room built around a circular track. Zyrrah would rather be safe than sorry and attacked a spiretop drake preening itself in an unlit Brazier. This alerted the kobolds and their priest to the group’s presence, causing them to activate The Boulder. This boulder circled the battlefield striking at all who passed beneath it. It was later covered in glue which served to only increase its lethality.

will continue later (Did some spelling and grammAr)-Phil


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